I can't tell you what I need to, so I pop another pill or two. It's how I deal, with this ridiculous little hamster wheel. Why can't I just tell you how I feel? Why do I brush you off like it's not real? If you only knew how it sweeps me off my feet just laying on your chest listening to your heartbeat. How every night I miss what I know would be the perfect kiss. I just can't break through this. I built these walls up so high because I just can't weather another heart wrenching goodbye. But you woke the butterflies, got me tongue tied. If only I could get on the outside. If only I could tell you how much I love your soul. How just being next to you makes me feel whole. If you only knew how I'd shower you with everything you deserve. If only my knees would stop shaking and I could build up the nerve. I would hold you in my arms and never let you go. I would love you every second of every day, and then you'd know, how incredibly deep I treasure your heart. I'll be the girl that finally puts you together instead of tearing you apart. I'll protect you from the madness outside, be your safe place to hide. I'll hold on tight. I won't leave your side. I won't take you for granted or forsake your love. Because we are the stuff dreams are made of.

IT'S NOT ABOUT WHAT WE SAY, IT'S ABOUT WHAT WE DON'T SAY, WHEN YOU LOOK AT ME THAT WAY. YOU KNOW WHAT WAY, BUT LIKE I SAID...WE DON'T  EVER SAY. SO HERE WE STAY, ME IN YOUR ARMS, OUR DAMAGE GETTING IN THE WAY, WHEN YOU ASK ME TO STAY, I KISS YOU ON YOUR FOREHEAD AND WALK AWAY. BECAUSE I'M AFRAID I'LL SAY WHAT I'M SCARED TO DEATH YOU WANT TO SAY.

WISH I COULD SAY THESE THINGS TO YOUR FACE
BUT BABY I'M BARELY KEEPING UP THE PACE.
I MISS YOU SO MUCH TONIGHT,
HOLDING ONTO YOUR T SHIRT EXTRA TIGHT. 

I'm up too late again tonight, smoking too many cigarettes, listening to Melanie Martinez. Wondering what it is, about you that's got me on cloud nine. getting lost in the sky, imagining what it would be like if you were mine. I swear I've never laughed so hard, I feel me falling too far. So afraid I might lose myself again, so I let you close but I don't let you in. My mind overwhelmed with my over reactions, use them other boys as a convenient distraction. Because just the thought of you brings me a happiness I'm afraid to trust in, I try to block it out, But it always rushes in again and again. The other night I watched you sleeping and I know you think it's creepy. But I couldn't help myself, you were so beautiful. I wanted to kiss you on your forehead but I just hugged you instead. Because it's just too soon to be over the moon.