im just not okay and i dont know what else to do but retreat and methodically plan my approach....
im in love with you. im so fucking in love with you and its so gd exhausting. everyday, in every way. and its not bad its good but its exhausting and my heart is tired and is just trying to give something thats been overshadowed by fear...fear of death the most...and fear of loss, ambiguous death. sometimes i feel thats worse...when someone is still on this earth alive but they are dead to you. its all so fucking messy so damn depressing and its pressing down hard on my chest tonight, my soul is sick with the feeling somethings not right and its all i can do to fight, against my own will, gotta kill that piece of you left inside because when shit got hard, you did your best to make me cry.  it worked every time. And right on schedule, down your rabbit hole i fell, like some hypnotizing spell. i betrayed myself tonight, ran backward away from the light, forgot my life. now these words are pouring from my gut, trying so hard to stay up. sleep is always playing hide and seek with me, but when it takes me, it pulls me under deep. but on nights like these, there is no reprieve. these thoughts wont leave, and i need an escape, i pray the music will take, Me, where i need to go, volume up, lights down low